When marriages fail

Sadly, what was thought of as blissful togetherness does not often last. While some couples grow old and die with each other, there are some who do not survive the journey. Marriages fail because of different reasons. Some people grow apart because of their differences and never find a way to reconcile them; some people will fall out of love and grow cold; and some people will fall in love with someone else, and complicate things even further. Marriages fail because of a lot of reasons. Some people who are faced with these situations can choose to fight and keep the vows they made, and some will escape and quit while they are ahead.

Saving the marriage

If you value the promise you made, then you will do what it takes. You will realize that marriage is more than just piece of paper and you cannot throw it out just because it did not work as you hoped for it to. Realizing the depth of the commitment is admirable, but if you want to save the marriage, you have to prepared to do the work:

Make each other a priority. Your marriage failed because you lost focus. You have to remember that you always have to keep focus, and you should put your partner on top of your list. Do not allow other people or other things to occupy that place.

Do something that will remind you of the good times. Sometimes, people forget why they are in love, so it might be a good idea to remind each other of the old days. Take some time to do something that will remind of you of the good days, and rekindle the old flame that used to burn so brightly.

Spend time with each other. Try. You have to try to learn to be together again and if you want this to work, then you have to strive. Make sure to give your partner one day of the week, to spend as a date, and take this opportunity to do something that you have not done before.

Talk and listen. Some couples lose touch of each other. They have grown apart and their difference bring them further and further from each other. Therefore, maintain an open communication. Exert some effort to talk to each other and take some time to listen to what each other has to say. You will be surprised with what you will learn, but it will work.

Decide on a trial separation. This may be a great risk, but by going on a trial separation, some couples are able to see their problems from a different perspective, and they effectively resolve problems, this way.

Asking helps from a third party

A more proactive way to save a relationship is to enter into a counseling program. Admitting that you need help is not cowardice, and if you are serious with your desire to save the relationship, you will not be ashamed to talk to someone about it. A marriage counselor will have different techniques, but mostly, counseling is going to be a venue for both parties to come together. The counselor acts as a middleman, and they can both voice out their concerns, while the situation is being controlled by an arbiter or a mediator.

No matter what method you decide to take on, know that every effort is going to be worth it. At the end of it all, you will know that you tried, it may work but it may fail but at least you did not just waste everything away.

Incoming search terms:

• people grow apart because of

Ongoing criticism: Once the bloom is off the rose, so to speak, most couples begin showing who they really are. There are many issues with this. They start needing their own space, can’t adjust to each other, or they don’t like each other’s friends. Any or all of these things can cause ongoing criticism that leads to the end.

Lying: It doesn’t matter if it was a tiny white lie or a huge black one. A lie has the power to completely destroy a relationship. Even if the lie was told in panic or accidently, once the trust is broken, it’s pretty hard to repair it.

Cheating: Everyone interprets cheating in different ways. The ground rules for this need to be discussed at the beginning of the relationship so pitfalls can be avoided.

Snooping: If you’re suspicious that your partner is doing something wrong or that you won’t lie, it’s still not a good idea to spy and snoop on them. Instead, confront your partner with how you’re feeling and try to talk it out.

Intense jealousy: Some jealousy can be a positive force in your relationship. However, if there’s too much jealousy and possessiveness, it can smother your relationship and suck all the life out of it.

Referring to past relationships: This is a big one because if you keep talking about your ex, whether it’s flattering or insulting; your current partner is going to get tired of feeling like they’re being compared to all of your exes.

Communication blocks: Effective communication is vital to the success of a relationship. If you keep something bottled up instead of talking about it, things will only get worse. Talking is necessary to work through any issues.

Taking each other for granted: This is another thing that seems to just happen when couples have been together for a while. Never assume that your partner will always be there. If you know the possibility of your partner leaving is based in reality, you may be more appreciative of each other.

Dull routines: Routines can be both good and bad in a relationship. You’ve got to find the balance between a routine and security.

Sexual issues: Two years seems to be the turning point for relationships, as in the sexual part of it starts going down the tubes. You both have to work at finding ways to keep excitement in the relationship so that it doesn’t simply fade away.

When you look at this list, it may occur to you that most of the problems related to the ending of relationships are related. In fact, if you manage to solve one of the problems, it’s interesting how others simply vanish.

Incoming search terms:

• relationship enders
• marraige enders
• marriage enders

The first thing you must remember is that everyone reacts to things in a different way. They also adjust to things in different ways. As a couple, you’ll most likely not feel exactly the same way about things. This is especially true when you first move in together. The differences will become apparent and major differences can definitely cause stress to flow through the relationship. When you see this happening, try some of the following ways to reduce the stress:

Take yourselves out of the situation: If there’s a problem, and it doesn’t involve you or your partner directly, just keep your distance from it. The stress from trying to fix everything is going to drain your energy and make you irritable with each other. If you can fix it, leave things alone. Just let things run their course and resolve itself.

Agree to disagree: When you argue about something stressful, it can cause even more friction in your relationship. Everyone has an opinion about things, and they certainly have a right to that opinion. Therefore, if you and partner can’t see eye to eye on something, stop fighting about it. That’s only going to add more fuel to the fire and make things much more tense between you. Back away, agree to disagree and let it go.

Attack the problem and solve it as a team: In the event of a stressor that is caused by something you can solve, take it on together. This will bring you closer together and strengthen the bonds of your relationship. If you can’t go to your partner for help, why are you even in this relationship? Once you’ve come up with a plan to solve your problem, everything else will resolve itself. Remember that two minds are better than one.

Stress is always going to be a part of life for everyone in the world. There’s no way of getting around that because no one has the privilege of living a perfect life where no stress ever enters into it. Since stress isn’t going to ever go away, your best option is to learn how to handle it. This is especially true when it enters your relationship and starts to cause some major problems. When you let it get to you and start arguing about things, this is only going to add more tension to an already shaky situation. Everyday people are losing their relationships to the effects of stress. Don’t become a statistic and let that happen to you. There are ways to keep stress to a minimum as well as ways to successfully deal with it when it does raise its ugly head. Stay calm, talk it out and work together. This will go a long way to saving your relationship from succumbing to stress.

Incoming search terms:

• can also be a very stressful

Consider that single people tend to be more active in their communities than those that are married. Single people are typically more generous when it comes to helping others. They also tend to visit their neighbors more, spend more time with their families, and care for aging parents more than married people.

It’s truly sad that thirty something women that are single consider themselves to be “losers” because they’re single. They feel this way no matter how successful they are professionally. There are documented studies that show couples living together live longer than single people, although that’s attributed to all the high levels of oxytocin in the cohabiting couples.

Now, for some people, marriage is a wonderful thing. If you’re a loyal person who is in love with another loyal person, marriage is a great idea for you. Neither of you is going to even think of straying. People like this flourish in marriage more than when they’re single.

Other people aren’t quite so successful at handling monogamy. Some just don’t handle it well at all while others will remain loyal even though they’re not all that happy about it. If you’re part of this group, you may consider whether or not a traditional marriage is for you.

Before you marry someone, ask yourself why you’re getting married. If it’s because you think you “should,” or you want to make your mother happy, those aren’t reasons to get married. This is particularly true if you’re not positive that you’re a believer in monogamy.

If you don’t handle monogamy very well but you still want to get married, sit down with your intended and talk everything out. See if there’s a way to still get married without keeping it too traditional, but rather built more around the patterns and needs of each of you. Maybe, between the two of you, something can be worked out. You don’t have to have the same type of marriage that your parents have. Instead, you can have a marriage that’s unique to the two of you and your situation.

On the other hand, if you’ve found that you just don’t feel you can get married, don’t feel bad. Being single doesn’t mean that you have to be alone. In fact, it gives you more freedom to get out in the world and sample as many different “treats” as you want. If you find that you’re more traditional, say “yes” and walk happily down the aisle. However, if you find that you enjoy being single, enjoy your freedom without guilt!

Incoming search terms:

• single thirty something women